Stay at home moms with ADHD have a tougher job than most people realize. Not only do they have kids to keep in line and a house to clean and organize, they also have to manage their own ADHD symptoms as well.
Being a stay at home mom is hard. As a mom, you have a lot on your plate. Many times moms, especially stay at home moms, have to cook, clean, keep the house in order, and watch the kids. Not only do moms do all these things, most of the time they do these things all with little to no recognition.
Due in part to the emotional drain and the low recognition, studies even show us that stay at home moms have higher rates of anger and depression. Add these factors to the elements of ADHD and stress, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Stay at home moms with ADHD have enough on their plate already. Unfortunately, ADHD symptoms only complicate the issues further. Many moms without ADHD struggle keeping on top of all the tasks to the complete. Adding in ADHD only makes matters more challenging.
In this post, we want to give some helpful tips to help out stay at home moms with ADHD. Moms need all the help they can get. In this post, we want to give you some tools that might just make the load you carry a little lighter.
#1 Recognize that You Can’t Do It All
When anything ever goes wrong, whom do you call first? For most of us, we call our moms. No matter the problem or issue, for some reason we always think our mom knows how to solve it.
This super hero image of motherhood acts like a double edged sword. In some ways, this can be a blessing. Moms get some appreciation through always being looked to for answers. On the other hand, though, this idea of “mom always knows best” puts unrealistic expectations on mothers everywhere.
The idea that moms can and should handle everything makes motherhood seem like a super power. As a result, moms feel like if they can’t do it all, then something might be wrong with them. When stay at home moms with ADHD can’t balance everything perfectly, some of them end up feeling like failures.
To tackle all the tasks, stay at home moms with ADHD need to first acknowledge they can’t do everything. Instead of pretending like you have it all together you should identify your ADHD weaknesses and accept them. Despite the pressure of society’s standards, no matter how well you manage your household, you still aren’t Wonder Woman. Trying to do everything as a mom with ADHD and pretend you have everything together only makes matters worse.
Don’t pretend or put up false pretenses. Rather start from a place of humility. Admit your limitations instead of trying to fight and struggle through them. Managing a house when you have ADHD is difficult. Admit that you have struggles and lean on your family and friends to help you stay on top of everything.
#2 Work as a Team to Solve and Address Problems
Part of acknowledging that you can’t do everything should involve working as a team. People like watching team sports because winning and success doesn’t depend on just one person.
In fact, many successful team sports work best when players complement one another. Maybe one player excels at offense, while another excels at defense. While very different, these players with various skills come together to make a complete team.
There should be no reason that your household can’t function the same way as an effective team. This means that you should employ the skills of every household member. This includes you as the mom, as well as your partner or spouse, and your children as well.
For stay at home moms with ADHD, you most likely spend most of your day alone with your children. Being your children’s mom shouldn’t mean that you wait on their every need hand and foot. Rather, you should teach your children that every member of the household plays a role in household management.
During the day, give your kids little tasks to complete. These could be regular chores, but they could also be in the moment tasks that help you out as your go through your daily responsibilities. Maybe it is picking up toys or folding clothes or making breakfast or lunch or even having the older kids watching the younger ones.
Not only can you not play the role of Wonder Woman, but you also need to get your kids and partner on board with pulling their weight in keeping things in order. Instead of Wonder Woman, think of your household as the Avengers: a team working together. Everyone can participate in team activities. You, as the mom, shouldn’t have to feel that you shoulder all the household responsibilities yourself.
#3 Practice Open and Constant Communication
You can never underestimate the power of open and constant communication. As a mom, not only can you not do everything, but also often times you struggle with your feelings on a daily basis. As with most stay at home moms with ADHD, you need to communicate your true feelings with an adult friend, partner, or family member.
Some days you don’t feel quite like working to manage your household well. Some days you wake up and you feel tired, exhausted, and like you just want to give up. You need to get these feelings out, though, instead of bottling them inside. Communicate how you feel with your partner and friends.
In fact, you need to communicate how you feel with your kids as well. This both helps you and also helps teach your kids how they can talk about their feelings. If your kids do something that hurts your feelings, or you become overwhelmed with their behavior, you need to tell them. If you never communicate openly about your honest feelings, nothing can change.
Part of open communication involves getting everyone on board and on the same team. As we just talked about, stay at home moms with ADHD need everyone to be on their team.
Open communication helps all parties learn more about one another. This only helps to create a more unified family unit. In the long run, a more unified family unit makes things easier for everyone.
#4 Set Aside Time for Just Yourself and for You and Your Spouse
Not only do you need to practice open communication, you also need to plan some time to get away. You need both time away for just yourself and time away for you and your partner together.
Stay at home moms with ADHD never receive enough appreciation or reward. To make up for this, you need to make the time for yourself. Making time to get away is healthy for both you and your family. In fact, studies have shown that you can serve your family better by taking care of yourself first.
Moms plan every one else’s day. One person you shouldn’t forget in all your plans is yourself. Make a plan for each day, each week, each month, and then once every quarter to have for yourself.
On a daily basis, you need some time to recharge and have a break. Make sure you plan to take this time alone and actually take it. Let’s look at how these breaks should look.
Your plans to get away
Make a plan each day for at least 15 minutes for you to do something that you enjoy by yourself. These 15 minutes could be first thing in the morning before the kids wake up. Alternatively, it could occur during nap or right after the kids go to bed.
Not only should you set aside 15 minutes each day, you also need to plan 30 minutes to an hour for yourself each week. Maybe this involves going on a walk by yourself or to a store or library or coffee shop. Work out this time with your partner or a friend to watch the kids while you take this time away.
Monthly then, you want to plan an afternoon or morning that you can get away. Then, once each quarter, plan a full day for just you and your spouse or partner. Find someone to watch the kids for you and get away with just you adults.
To have a healthy home, you need to stay healthy and you need to cultivate a healthy relationship with your spouse. All of this takes a lot of planning.
Being a stay at home mom with ADHD wears you down and drains your energy. Be sure that you refresh your energy and enthusiasm regularly. For more ideas on how to carve out time for yourself follow some of the advice at this link.
Tackling Household Responsibilities for Stay at Home Moms with ADHD
Feeling exhausted? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Disorganized and distracted? If you answer yes to any or all of these things, you might just generally have some symptoms of ADHD. Now imagine, though, combining all of these things and then adding on caring for kids at home all day long. Sounds impossible, right?
If not impossible, stay at home moms with ADHD have a challenging task at the very least. To tackle both ADHD and your household tasks at the same time you need to make use of the tools and help you have around you. We hope that this post has provided you with some ideas of where to find these tools.
Even though you play the role of mom, you don’t have to play the role of super hero. You can’t do it all. You can get help. Lean on the people around you to lift you up.
Utilize other resources both online and in person such as you can find through us here at FastBraiin. Check out some of our parenting resources such as our post on tips for moms with ADHD or on tackling home organization without the stress or on parenting tips for managing ADHD in children.
We want to see you succeed in life and at home with managing your ADHD symptoms. You can do it. Let others including FastBraiin help.